Why???

My stomach lurched with the horror of it all.I still couldn't believe that I was in my parents house in KL and not in my house in Man'c and it's already a year plus since I'm back home.I felt that I must have been out of my mind to have left Man'c just because of him.Had I gone completely mad??I had to go back!

How had I ended up here?It's all because of love.I love him..I left KL last time because of him and I left Man'c now again because of him.All because of him.

I know what you're thinking...and you're right.I'm mad and stupid.

How much is my love?...

If my arm had fallen off I wouldn't have said,'Oh let it be for the moment.It'll come back if it's mean to be.No point in forcing it.It might only drive away'.After all it was my arm and he's much more a part of me than any old arm.

That's how much I love him.Stupid?Again you're right.I'm a 100% stupid mad cow.Blind by love...At the end what did i got?NOTHING!!Just wasting my time...9 years!!...Arghhhh...

Maybe it's my fault.I'm not good enough for him.I'm not as pretty as her or skinny like her.It just remind me that..YES..it's not maybe,it's my fault!He love to look at young skinny cute girl every time we go out and he loves to compared me with them.Why I'm not dress like them,walk like them,talk like them or anything like them..And you know what?I just take it all,take everything in..and start blaming me for being me..Ugly fat cow..but do nothing!How stupid is that?....I thought it's just a talk..nothing more..

I was crazy if I think that I could have got him back just because I wanted him back.I must have been out of my mind to have thought that I could just ignore the fact that he was with other women.He had left me for God's sake.He had told me that he loved someone else!

How could he...

My feet started to get cold.I felt that I would never be able to sleep again.The pain of the lost I was feeling was to great to let me sleep.And I desperately wanted to sleep.Anything to stop this feeling..

Aargggghhhhh!!!!! Why??? Why?????


p/s..Sorry I just cant stand it anymore..I hate this feeling..I just want my life back!